Nevertheless, I ain’t got time to fuck about with small talk so let’s get straight on with it.
However, before I give you a round up of the Daily Chimpanzee’s world news, I will give a quick mention to some proper news, namely after trying to ruin mine and my family’s lives the British Government, the British [un]intelligence services, The Crown Prosecution Service, the perverted British Justice System, Castle Point Council Social Services Department, the Essex Police, the criminal Essex Chief Constable, Stephen Kavanagh, and the half witted paedophile trolls working as gatekeepers for the nonce infested establishment, were all left looking like right cunts this week when I was quite rightly found not guilty on all counts of possessing child pornography, distributing child pornography and possessing extreme pornography.
Since then, the silence has been deafening.
I mean, call me Mr Fucking Paranoid if ya want, but it is almost like the alternative media is proper pissed off with the fact that I wasn’t convicted on the malicious prosecution… I really can’t think why that is.
But anyway, pulling my tongue out of my cheek, lets look at what the Monkey Kuntz have to offer and their big story today was that the actress, Kate Gold-Digger-Smith picked up the bottle of water that she dropped, all by her self.
Now, for some reason the Chimp has removed that groundbreaking article and condensed it into another one flogging shite, overpriced replicas of the outfits that she has been paid to wear this week.
However, to give you some idea as to what that article was like in its original form you only need go to WBNews:
Kate proved she was down-to-earth as she scooped up her own bottle of water after dropping it when exiting her Range Rover upon her arrival. The Duchess of Cambridge, 34, wrapped up warm in a baby blue Mulberry coat, printed Dolce and Gabbana black and white skirt, and black turtleneck as she paid a visit to The Nelson Trust Women’s Centre in Gloucestershire
“34 years old” my fucking arse!
Nevertheless, despite me not having enough control over my gag reflex to allow me to read the extra long, brown-nosing old bollox that the Chimp seem to think constitutes journalism – found HERE – I was able to look at the photos and from what I could gather, it would seem that 43 year old Kate couldn’t wait to tell her chums what a big girl she had been.
However, I believe that there is more behind Gold-Digger-Smith amazing ability to pick a bottle up for herself like a big girl, than we are being told.
You see, a source close to the parasites who did not want to be named told me (yes, yes, I know but if they can do it then so can I) that her handlers had become concerned that Katie Jewish was becoming too reliant on her Minions doing absolutely everything for her, following the Yokel Couples disastrous visit to an army barracks last month.
Indeed, all would have been fine had it not been for the fact that Katie’s Lady in Waiting had become ill whilst getting her boss dressed for the event.
Meantime, all kensington Palace staff have received a memo forbidding them from seeking instruction from Katie Jewish whilst there are any press photographers around.
The memo had been drafted following the Yokels Catering Manager (seen standing in the grey jacket in the photo below) approaching Kate – who was hosting some old bollox or other – and asking her what she would like for her evening meal.
Mind you, there really can be no denying that joining the Casting-Call-Pro-Model-Agency* all those years ago really was the best move that Tiffany – or Katie Jewish as she later became known – ever made
And she certainly hasn’t looked back since.
*It would appear that since I last looked on the CCP Agency’s website, Tiffany is no longer listed on their books… It is almost like someone is following me around the internet and removing anything ‘potentially damaging’ that I look at, Don’t cha know.
But that is probably me just being paranoid again.
The Chimp also ran an article asking the burning question on nobody’s lips but their own: Did the Cat cut Kat – I’ll bet the useless twonks wished that they had thought of that for their headline instead of the long, drawn out:
So did Bob cut Kate? The Duchess of Cambridge wears a plaster on her hand the morning after stroking the ‘growling’ star of A Street Cat Named Bob at glitzy London film premiere
And of course the answer is no it fuckng didn’t! Which obviously the Monkey-Twatz knew only too well being as the press were out in force for the old fanny and therefore, had the Pussy Cat scratched or bitten the Pussy Kat, it would have been caught on camera… Tosspots.
Course, where success is concerned the same could be said for Katie’s ‘real life’ pretend sister, Poopa Wigglebum – or whatever name it is that the useless tart masquerades under.
PHOTO: Pippa Pig – least I think, Katie Jewish’s sister, Poopa provides the voice for the kiddies favourite… But I am probably wrong on that score, so don’t take it as gospel… Unless you want to of course.
Indeed, Poopa is never far away from her next mention in the Chimp, what with the Monkey Nutz somehow believing that being Katie Jewish’s pretend sister qualifies Poopa as being Royalty. Whereas in reality Boom-Time-Betty doesn’t even qualify in that department.
Nevertheless, Poopa has had another mammoth press outing this past week posing as Harry H Ginger-Nuts new bird, Miss Something Or Udder.
In fact, and I kid you not here, the day after I cottoned on to the fact that in some photos of Harry H’s new bird – although only some mind – Miss Marple or whatever it is that she calls herself, looked to be the mirror image of Poopa, the Cheeky Monkeys only published an article stating the same thing:
She’s an actress, humanitarian, clothes designer and lifestyle blogger topped off with good looks, but there may be an extra reason why Prince Harry was attracted to Meghan Markle.
Eagle-eyed royal fans have taken to Twitter to note the similarity between Meghan and the Pippa Middleton, the sibling of his sister-in-law Kate.
The pair share the same brown eyes and tumbling brunette locks and with a penchant for preppy tailored clothing, they look like they could easily share a wardrobe. Source
“Eagled-eyed Royal fannys” my fucking arse… More like people calling ‘foul’ on the Yokel Family.
Mind you, I did giggle a little bit at how the Chumpanzee selected the photos of Mechano which looked the least like Poopa to use as comparisons, whilst at the same time earning themselves a fortune in back-handers by slipping in the clothes outlets flogging overpriced replicas of the clothes that they were wearing in the comparison photos.
The following are those comparisons used by the Chimp to make you believe that the actresses only share a passing resemblance.
However, in truth Maple Syrup is that photoshopped that when you use the ‘go compare’ website something very telling is revealed – namely the fraudster only scores a 70% likeness with herself.
Whereas if you select the RIGHT photos for comparison, Sort & Peppa are closer in looks than Sort & Sort are.
Indeed, if the Monkey-Fraudz were really intent on comparing the two then at the very least they would have used the two photos which were both used by the shit-rag in articles featuring the pair – one in July and one much more recent.
Funny how their teeth are EXACTLY the same, as are their chins and even the shape of the glasses.
Course, it was quite blatantly obvious that this new romance is total, total bollocks being as in the space of a week the Chimp has gone from posing the question: ‘Is Ginge dating the Minge’, right through to the pair being practically engaged.
Indeed there is more chance of the Transvestite Prime Mincer, The Right Orrible, Un-El Tel calling a general election than there is of Ginger-Pubes marrying Meghan Middleton.
Ministers are preparing for an early general election after three High Court judges ruled that Brexit cannot be triggered without a vote in Parliament, according to reports. Source
And there is around zero chance of that happening.
Indeed, just the way that Meghan is spelt gives the game away as the Minions almost always give their ‘created personas’ unusually spelt first names.
Now, as most of you know, these characters are always played by more than one person and you would be surprised how many can be found on porn sites. I do in fact have naked photos of over a dozen different actors which would have been more had I not at first dismissed those that I was coming across as being coincidental lookalikes and as such didn’t bother to save the photos.
Moreover, I am not talking about deliberate mock-up photos where the name of the person whose head has been photoshopped onto a naked body is given. I am talking about random photos in amongst others where no names are given whatsoever.
Course, in hindsight it would make perfect sense that these Monster Minions would have been involved in porn and indeed it has long been established that politicians etc are knowingly filmed when selling their fellow humans as a means of ensuring their silence.
In fact on the list of prominent people involved in Satanic Child Abuse that I was given and can be found HERE, is the disgraced former MP Mark Oaten.
Moreover, his entry on the list states:
And indeed, Oaten’s Wikipedia page is pretty revealing:
On 21 January 2006, Oaten resigned from the Liberal Democrat front bench when it was revealed by the News of the World that he had hired a 23-year-old male prostitute between the summer of 2004 and February 2005. The newspaper also alleged that Oaten had engaged in ‘three-in-a-bed’ sex sessions with two male prostitutes. Further allegations surfaced in the media over the following days, including an accusation that he had asked one of the prostitutes to engage in an act of coprophilia.Oaten gave an explanation for his actions in an essay in The Sunday Times in which he claimed a “mid-life crisis” was partly responsible for his actions. This was partially contradicted by a 2009 Press Gazette interview Oaten gave, in which he said “Journalists … had my story for three years I think, but hung on to it and never did anything with it. They could have made that public interest argument at any point in the three years. I had always been a Member of Parliament, but they waited until it could sell most newspapers, at the point at which I became well-known and at my most famous.”
A bit like the “innocent” Harvey Proctor then… Do you reckon that people are going to wake up to these peverted criminals any time soon?
But I digress, so to get back on track have a butchers at the following photo which I have had for around a year now:
Not great scores and far from conclusive but then again they are as good and better as Meghan scored when compared to herself.
And then of course I didn’t save the photo because the bird looked like Meghan… I saved it because she looked like Poopa.
Now it is fair to say that the shit-rag has been foisting the Yokels on us all week – more so than usual – but the pathetic copywriters really surpassed themselves on the made-up cringe-binge shite by publishing an article elevating Boom-Time-Betty to superhero status:
She may have turned 90 this year, but the Queen showed she was agile as ever as she took to an autumnal ride along the banks of the Thames.
Her Majesty, who marked her milestone birthday in April, was spotted riding her faithful black Fell pony, Carltonlima Emma, accompanied by head groom Terry Pendry.
Britain’s longest-reigning monarch sported a light-weight beige mac and cream jodphurs and opted for one of her trademark silk scarves tied around her chin, rather than a helmet. Source
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha – and breathe – Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha… Oh my fucking days.
I mean, just what the fuck did they use to get little-legs in the saddle – a crane?
Fuck me, she can just about shuffle let alone walk, so for the Monkey-Madz to have her riding on horseback is… Well, it is just too pathetic for words.
Mind you, the Monkey-Slutz published an almost identical load of old bollox 2 years ago:
She was handed the reins of her first pony as soon as she could walk.
Now, as her 88th birthday approaches this month, the Queen shows no sign of giving up the pastime she has loved since childhood.
Taking in the glorious spring sunshine at Windsor in recent days, the Queen rides Carltonlima Emma, one of her favourite ponies. Source
And the following are the photos from that article, complete with the Chimps captions.
The Chimp has also reported on a couple of pointless UFO stories this week (see HERE & HERE), which tie in with the Max Spiers bollox.
Indeed, building on the old bollox, the Monkey-Mugz are now claiming that Spiers was investigating an American Army Paedophile Ring:
A British man who traveled to Poland to give a lecture on conspiracy theories and was found dead in his Warsaw apartment was conducting an investigation into alleged pedophilia that took place in a US Army-run facility in San Francisco nearly 30 years ago.
Max Spiers, a 39-year-old father of two, was found dead on a sofa in Poland, where he had gone to give a talk about conspiracy theories and UFOs.
Prior to his death, Spiers texted his mother to say ‘If anything happens to me, investigate’ just days before his mysterious death.
He was ruled to have died from natural causes despite no post-mortem examination being carried out on his body.
Friends have claimed he died in a Warsaw apartment after he ‘vomited a black liquid’.
Now it has emerged that Spiers was inquiring about allegations of widespread sexual abuse against children that was committed at a military base in California by employees acting under the influence of a satanic cult. Source
Now I have to say that it troubles me greatly that so many supposedly enlightened people buy into this old bollox.
So I will repeat: Spiers was an actor… The Go-Fucking-Fund-Me pages are to scam the public.
Indeed, I had a 2 hour telephone call with Spiers alleged ‘fiance’ Sarah Adams a week or so ago and although I found her to be very pleasant and nice to talk to, I am afraid to say that rather than convince me that ‘Max’ was the genuine article, the complete opposite is true.
However, some of what she told me was in confidence and once I give my word that anything that anybody tells me in confidence will go no further, no matter who it is that told me, they can be sure that the information will stay that way.
Nevertheless, what Sarah told me in answers to my questions (that was not for my ears only) either made little sense, were very vague or were quickly skipped over. She also struggled with answers about Max’s ‘family’ and tried to defend the Goddess ISIS whose name she has tattooed on the top of her arm.
Sarah maintains that both her and Max were victims of MK Ultra type mind control which Max’s ‘mother’, Vanessa was unaware of and indeed Sarah says that she was held prisoner on an army base and had no human contact other than her jailer mother and her siblings, until she managed to escape around 6 years ago.
I therefore have to say that she is remarkably well adjusted.
She claims that Max could not escape from his Polish hosts, whose home he died in, because it is surrounded by an electric fence, which begged the question as to how Max was photographed at a bar with his host and why he never said anything about being held prisoner to his mother or anyone else despite the fact that he had obvious access to a phone… And although a lot was said in reply to those questions, no plausible explanation was forthcoming.
Sarah also claimed to have photos of his body which showed multiple injuries, but was not prepared to let me see them.
When I asked how Max and herself were able to afford to travel the world to give talks like the one in Poland and flit back and forth between England and America, Sarah told me that she was financed by a wealthy Aunt, which again begged the question as to why she would not fund the headstone and memorial service that the Go-Fucking-Fund-Me pages were set up for.
Again, no satisfactory answer was forthcoming.
I then asked her how it was that Max came to be buried and not cremated as burial plots cost an arm and a leg to which she told me that his Mother had paid for it… Although she apparently cannot afford a headstone.
When I asked her how Max’s photo – the very same photo that was supposedly a family photo of him and the other “love of his life” – had come to be used as a photo of one of the Parisian Terrorist Attack Victims, she denied knowing that it had been.
When I told her that it most certainly had been and that I had used the photo myself in my article on the Paris hoax attack released in November 2015, the best answer that she could come up with was that the Paris victim was a clone of Max – who presumably poses with a clone of Max’s other girlfriend in the exact same pose.
Sarah was also at a loss to answer why Max’s captors and other girlfriend also played victims of the Paris attack.
I am sorry Sarah, you were lovely but very unconvincing.
Spiers is an actor… Not only that, he is an actor betraying his fellow man for profit.
Indeed, Spiers – a pseudonym – allegedly went to school with Orlando Bloom, a fully paid up member of the Sold-Ya-Soul-To-The-Devil-Club and is the grandson of the famous English actor, Percy Herbert.
It would also seem that Max was a gifted child. You see, whilst most 5 year olds cannot even do their shoelaces up, Max was writing stories in joined up writing no less.
And knew the difference between Capital and small case letters as well as how to abbreviate… Bless him.
Then again, now I think about it, it would suit many in the alternative media to have you believe the old fanny.
Okay, to complete this edition of the weeks bullshit news as told to you by the Monkeys at the Daily Chimpanzee, it would seem that an Ex -Copper is about to try and become the first man to swim the Atlantic:
An ex-policeman has started a 2,000 mile swim across the Atlantic today in a bid to become the first ever person to conquer an ocean.
Dad-of-one Ben Hooper, 38, set off from Dakar in Senegal, Africa, shortly after sunrise and hopes to reach Natal, Brazil by March 2017.
The Brit will burn up to 12,000 calories per day as he swims freestyle for up to ten hours a day – all the while battling up to seven-knot currents and 30ft-high waves. Source
Then again, it is hard to choose between who talks the most shit – Coppers or the Monkey Boyz.
Okay, that is just about it however before I fuck off I have to give my young pal Morgan a mention.
PHOTO: Me, Morgan and Clay.
Morgan is an unassuming, very polite, young man who is going to go far. He already has a grasp of what is really going on in this world and often attends protest marches, especially in relation to fracking.
His mother Sue is the social worker who first brought Hein Grosskopf to my attention and was invaluable to me with advice and support in person when the police and social services were conspiring to kidnap Clayton in a bid to shut me up.
Anyway, I received an e-mail from Sue the other day with a link to a YouTube Video. The e-mail stated:Hi Chris,
See what you have started!! Morgan has circulated this amongst the anti frackers getting them to learn the revised words ready for him playing it at the big demo in Manchester on the 12th.
So pleased to hear the police fit up is over at last!!
And I certainly think that the video deserves a wider audience… Well played Morgan, you really are truly talented Take it away my friend.